OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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