addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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