Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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