what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
