Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
