Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
do nipples grow back?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
