so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
