I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
