"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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