I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
