New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
