it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
