cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize