This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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