I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
