Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
