Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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