The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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