im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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