He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
