Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
