Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
