There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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