toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
