Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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