it was like eating out sand paper
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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