it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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