Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
