We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
