She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
