wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
