woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
