Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
