So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
