i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
