..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
