Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
