yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
