I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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