Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
