i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
