You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
