be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
