just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
