The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
