Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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