That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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