youre lurking in front of me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
