I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
