I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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