didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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