all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
