...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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