it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
