I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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