I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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