I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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