I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
