the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
