he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
