3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
