It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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