So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Barsexuality is the new black.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize