so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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