no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
