Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
