Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
