A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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