I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
